Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Getting Better Everyday

I took Bryce off the Adderall a little over a week ago. His emotions were so out of control. Even with the new medication for his depression, the outbursts were a constant thing. I thought long and hard about this, and I realized a few things. First, I actually feel worse about having my child on Adderall than I do on Zoloft. This may because I have seen and lived depression/anxiety. I was just having a hard time coping with the thought that my 6 year old body was been run through with amphetamines. Second, I just knew that all this emotional stuff was becoming worse with the Adderall, and I couldn't bare to see my son like that anymore. So I took him off of it. I called his doctor and told him "I am taking Bryce off the Adderall. I will pay close attention to watch for any withdrawal symptoms. I don't want him on this right now. I want to try other things." He said "OK."

So now over a week later and after no withdrawal symptoms and no real set backs, he is the same old Bryce as before, except one thing.....HE IS HAVING HARDLY ANY OUTBURSTS OR MELTDOWNS. The Zoloft is really working for him. He is happy about things, he is saying Thank you to us (which is huge, not having to remind him to say it!) He is falling asleep a little better (still needs some work). The main thing though is the crying, I am just so happy to see my son, well happy!!!!

We still take it one day at a time, like I am sure we will for quite awhile, but today was a good day and I am satisfied about that!

Friday, December 9, 2011

New Medication

Since Bryce has been started on his medication for ADD, we have seen an increase in his emotions. About a week ago we tried adding another medication at night that would try and help stabilize his emotions. After a few days of this new medication, I could see it wasn't working, he was only getting worse. Bryce was having "mental meltdowns" at least 10 times a day. I took him off that medication. Even after taking him off the medication, he was still having a rough time. With the Adderall XR it is making his brain slow down, in turn helping with his focus on tasks and school work. Unfortunately it is also making his depression/anxiety come to its full potential. Before any medication his brain was moving so fast that when he would have a depressed moment it would just come on, but then leave quickly because he didn't have the time to deal with it. He would become depressed or anxious over something but his attention would quickly turn to something else. Now that his brain is able to slow down and process, he is struggling with being depressed/anxious longer. This is tough on all of us. I have had a diagnosis of anxiety in the past, and even struggled with postpartum anxiety after Greyson was born. I took medication for this in the beginning but for the past 8 months or so, I haven't needed it. Now I feel like my anxiety is coming back, because I can't figure out how to help my son. In one way the Adderall is helping with his focus, but it is also triggering his depression. How can my 6 year old son have depression? It is really the worst feeling for a mother to watch your son go through something like this. If you have ever been depressed, you will know that no matter what anyone does, it doesn't help. You can't explain why you feel sad, you just do. Sometimes there is nothing to be sad about, but you are sad anyways, for no good reason.

So we saw Dr. Zollinger on Wednesday and discussed what our next step was. Since like I said the Adderall is working, we don't want to take him off of this, fearing that he may go backwards. We made the decision to start Bryce on a small dose of Zoloft, which is a depression/anxiety medication. Bryce will also be going to see a child's psychiatrist, which is someone for Bryce to talk to. They can also prescribe medication unlike the psychologist that he saw before. So hopefully after seeing Bryce a few times can help us better understand what medication might work best for his condition. Dr. Zollinger is also hoping that maybe having Bryce talk with someone, he might not have to be on medication for his depression for that long. He thinks that Bryce will outgrow this, or at least learn to control it.

This has to be so scary for Bryce, not knowing what is going on in his head. I can't imagine being a kid and feeling like this. This new medication will take about a week or so to see it's full effect, but last night we had family game night and Bryce LAUGHED!!! He laughed so hard!!! We played minute to win it, and Bryce was blowing a feather, trying to get it in a box, and it got stuck in his nose!! He was rolling on the ground, laughing so much. Ryan and I were busting up as well. I got tears in my eyes. It has been so long since I have seen Bryce that happy. I can't tell you how happy that made me.

Thanks for being there and taking the time to listen to our issues. We are praying that we are on the right track, and we know that God has a plan for Bryce.